Home > Rants > For The Sake Of Deprivation

For The Sake Of Deprivation

I have realized since the beginning of summer that it is hard to live a life of insane amounts of, well no sleep. You could say it was as an idiot mistake to make to assume that 30 minutes to an hour of sleep to last me 40 hours would be a bad idea. But I still went through with it, because the facts are I just didn’t sleep and half the time I couldn’t. It all started in September when my bed broke, I was sleeping on the couch and eventually just took my mattress and stuck it straight on the floor of my basement bedroom. Note to self, it was even colder only a 50cm difference between the bed and the floor it was terrible I found myself wrapped in blankets and sheets even though it was warm throughout the house. It didn’t take long before not sleeping effected the way I acted in school a lot of people assumed I was dead half the time.

It didn’t take long before I fell asleep in class, the feeling of waking up at the end of class not knowing what the homework had been and having people saying that only a couple of people noticed I had fallen asleep. Listening to music from the likes of Lou Reed to Breaking Benjamin to Mos Def I just had a hard time running my everyday life, I’d doze off out of nowhere. Felt like I woke up in a different place but in fact I was the same place I was when I fall asleep it was like the protagonist in Fight Club. I could say it a million times that I wasn’t tired but my body was simply shutting down half the time and I would try ignore the feeling that seemed to always kick in. At almost exactly eleven a.m. I would feel a feeling of tiredness to move my legs to move anything and even on school days this was very annoying.

Then it happened a moment of realization, last week on Thursday when my school had an early release day (meaning we get out 4 hours earlier) I had totally blanked out after having a shower, I woke up like five o’clock in the afternoon my eyes heavier then how my legs had felt. I looked at the clock and literally yelled the word “Fuck” Three times, I had missed not one but two tests and it was a moment that the insomnia had gotten me, it had made me stay up and it had made me fall asleep in the morning. My dad had thought I was dead nearly, alarm ringing all day my phone going off as well with about 20ish text messages missed. It was terrible and that was the day I decided I should change for the better of things, to put an end to the insomnia once and for all.

But the other fucked up thing was when I tried to go to sleep, by reading countless articles on WikiHow almost like self help articles I had conquered it averaging about 8 hours of sleep on the weekdays and 12 on the weekends (which is way too much) But I’m glad that I can finally carry out a conversation without nodding off, I still look dead in the morning. But Im secretly a zombie, so it’s all good.

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